Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

Oh guys… I’m starting the wedding dress shopping and I’m a little intimidated. I have my first appointment tomorrow to start looking tomorrow afternoon. I hate the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a dress I’m never going to wear again. AND all these wedding style dresses aren’t really my cup of tea or the ones that are are well outside my budget. Foofy, frilly, satin-bedsheety or just insanely expensive. That dress up there is heart-stoppingly BEAUTIFUL, but in the $5000-7500 range. I can’t, just can’t justify that. It seems so ridiculous. And that’s a mid-range for wedding dresses. It blows my mind. (But I love that dress and want to go find a store that carries it, just so I can whisper sweet nothings to it.)

This dress is more my speed. I totally fell in love with it when I saw it and was falling all over myself to hit “Buy”, when I realized it was already sold. It’s a vintage dress and one of a kind. But wouldn’t it have been perfect for me? I’m actually quite broken up about the fact that I can’t have it. I want to write it a love letter, a missed connections, I want to find it and woo it away from the incredibly lucky woman who bought it. I emailed the shop and asked them to let me know if they come across anything else in their shopping adventures that was in a similar shape with interesting construction. They seem like they have a very well curated shop and I love a lot of their vintage stuff. I’d love to find other shops with similar taste levels and just track them all.

I am still going to shop around in the wedding dress shops here (who knows? I could get lucky!) But I think I would be much happier in a vintage dress than a new one. Do you know any amazing vintage shops I should take a look at? Can you help me find a dress that will make me forget these dress crushes?

We had a bake-off at work to benefit breast cancer research. You know how much I like to bake. And what a glutton for punishment I am. So you know I had to enter. I wanted to win, but I didn’t. The girls that won did great little macarons. It was fine though. Making 200 mini cupcakes was quite the adventure in itself. And we raised over $7000, so that’s really all that matters.

I was planning to do a different recipe, but when I tested it out it was good, but not bake-off winning good. Not when I really thought about it. So I started casting about for other recipes… I love pumpkin foods and it is the season. And put bourbon on or in anything and I’m a fan. So I took the cupcake recipe from Smitten Kitchen and the frosting recipe from the Cupcake Bakeshop by Chockylit. The combination was killer. I upped the spices from the Smitten Kitchen recipe because I like to be able to really taste the spice in a spice cake. And I used all-purpose flour even though the recipe calls for cake flour. The frosting originally had the Bourbon Caramel sauce in it, but I didn’t think you really got “credit” for it – the sweetness overpowered the bourbon flavor. So I just cooked more of it and drizzled it over the top.

Pumpkin Mini Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting and Bourbon Caramel Sauce

Cupcakes

Yield: about 36 mini cupcakes

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing pans
1 cup firmly packed dark-brown sugar
1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 cups cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 large eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk mixed with 1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/4 cups canned solid-pack pumpkin

1. Preheat the oven to 325° (170°C). Grease the pan or put in mini cupcake liners.

2. Beat the butter and sugars on medium speed until fluffy, about 5 minutes. Meanwhile, sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, salt, and pepper into a medium bowl.

3. Add the eggs 1 at a time to the mixer, scraping down the sides after each addition. Alternate adding the flour and milk mixtures, beginning and ending with the flour. Beat in the pumpkin until smooth. Scoop the batter among the cupcake liners — you’re looking to get them 3/4 full. Rap the filled pans once on the counter to release any air bubbles. Bake the cakes until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 19 to 21 minutes. Cool the cupcakes on racks completely.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1-1/2 packages phili cream cheese, room temp
1/2 cup butter, room temp
4 cups confectioner’s sugar

1. Beat cream cheese and butter until soft.

2. Add the confectioner’s sugar and beat to combine.

3. Pipe onto completely cooled cupcakes.

Bourbon Caramel Sauce

4 tablespoons brown sugar
4 tablespoons whipping cream
2 tablespoons butter
big pinch salt
4 tablespoons bourbon

1. Heat brown sugar, cream, butter, salt over medium high heat whisking until sugar is dissolved. Cook for another minute.

2. Pour in bourbon and stir to combine. Take off heat and let cool.

3. Drizzle over frosted cupcakes.

Silliest part of this whole thing was the triple batch of icing in the gallon ziplock bag I had to carry to work. Ridiculous. And also kind of awesome.

I’ve been so stressed out lately that I really needed this relaxing weekend. It’s so good to get away from everything for a few days – not have to think about work or anything. Just hang out with my ladies, look at yarn, have amazing food, not have to be anywhere or do anything at a specific time – it was perfect and just what I needed. Heading back to work last week was really, really difficult.

Next year, I probably won’t be able to go. I’m getting married the following weekend (Yeay! Venue picked and date finalized! So exciting!), so I’ll be a little crazed at that point. So many last minute preparations to be doing! Can’t be taking time off to go see knitters and sheep! But I’m going to miss you guys like crazy. Maybe I’ll make the effort to go to Maryland this year… Maybe that can be my knitter retreat for the year… Are you going? Would it be worth it if I went?

There’s a new EverReady diner. It was quite good, looked great (doesn’t Ed there look fantastic?) and right across from the fairgrounds. Amazingly, it was super empty both mornings we went (what? you don’t have a festival routine?). I’m betting that’s the last year we’re able to say that though.

My roommates. Norma, Sandy and Leigh. We’ve been rooming together (for the most part) every year for what seems like forever. Probably it’s been 6 or 7 years. Basically forever.

Funny that I don’t see people that I haven’t seen in years, but I do see ladies that I see every few months. See you soon, ladies! We need more knitting days!!

I was very excited to see my buddy Julia and her adorable munchkin, Mr. B. I don’t see her nearly often enough! And Mr. B was such a smart and funny and gregarious little man. I love being Auntie Jenni – even I am mostly an internet Auntie.

Here’s Norma and Sandy again – with Jackie! We bonded over wedding conversation. The more people I talk about my wedding plans with the more people I’m finding who chucked all their plans and either eloped or got married in someone’s back yard. And considering the issues I was having with finding a good venue, I was right there. Often.

I didn’t buy much. I mean, really, why would I need to? I’ve been buying yarn I don’t knit with for years! But I couldn’t pass up the gray and yellow or the gray and green striped cobweb weight yarns from Skaska’s booth. Clearly I’m going to have to do some sort of lace-weight designing in the next year. We also went shopping in all the adorable little shops on the Main Street in Rhinebeck. Did I need a new project basket? No. But that little canvas pirate basket called my name and wanted so badly to go home with me. How could I say no? The buttons are little vintage mis-matched guys from another little shop in Rhinebeck. It was very hard for me to only buy the one strip, but I was very strong.

We also had a very, very good dinner at Terrapin. This is the second year we’ve eaten there and it was amazingly delicious. Everyone loves to go to the CIA, but the ambiance is really head and shoulders better at Terrapin. And the food is always interesting, new, local, and inspired. Personally, CIA is out. Terrapin is in.

There were a bunch more people I saw and forgot to take pictures of. There were so, so many people I didn’t get to see. If I end up going to Maryland, we’ll have to be a little more organized about meeting up. I need to see my knitters!!!

Because I don’t yet have enough going on, I’m taking an embroidery class at Purl Soho. Dude! I love embroidery! Quick, fun, and there’s so many different things you can do with it! All the different stitches. All the new techniques to learn! And you know what a sucker I am for pretty string! The teacher’s great and I already can’t wait for next week’s class.

I do have plans for this knowledge. It’s not just a random whim. Building my skills for projects at hand.

Also found under the Embroidery and Awesome categories: Check out what Michelle made me! It’s the Johns (They Might Be Giants)! She found “patterns” for the TMBG guys and immediately thought of me. I asked her to add the She’s Actual Size lyrics there, but I think I caused a lot of stress. That’s a big quote for such little guys!! It turned out so amazingly. She’s really been an inspiration on the whole embroidery front.

I’m going to start thinking about the fun stuff now though. And I want your crafty/creative advice. That kick-ass gorgeousness up there with the fantastic fonts and tentacles? Those are going to be our invitations. I KNOW! So awesome. But here’s where I need you guys to put your thinking caps on. The Young Man and I are not steampunky. There have been some crazy, elaborate, awesome steampunky weddings out there, but that’s just not us. We don’t want to go the whole way there, but we do want some quirky details in our wedding. Like that invitation up there, it’s all about the details. So I’m thinking my “theme” for this thing is “Hidden Tentacles”. Beautiful, tasteful fall wedding with interesting, hidden, tentacle-y details that you’ll get if you’re looking for them and in on the joke.

Examples? Think subtle, maybe some fiddlehead ferns or Bells of Ireland in the bouquets, they kinda look like tentacles, but you wouldn’t put it together if you didn’t know the theme… Or fun, like drinks made from Kraken rum… Or unexpected, like embroidery on the underside of the wedding dress skirt. Or really amazing (though cost prohibitive), live jellyfish in tanks for centerpieces (oh man, I want that so badly for my desk at home). You know how much I like jellyfish and all things tentacle-y. I want all your tentacle ideas! Or ideas that could incorporate our cephalopod buddies.

Put your brains to work everyone. Let this simmer in the background for a bit and let me know if you have any ideas for me. I need some pick me ups while I struggle with the venue issue. Help me out guys. Make me laugh. Make my brain explode with something awesome I never would have thought of. I’m going to need some distraction to keep me from going crazy.

Lack of mindspace. I have so much stuff going on that I can’t even think straight. Much less follow a thought through for an hour to be able to write a post. But I have to put something up here. Now. Before things go any farther. Because every day that I don’t post I feel like the weight is getting heavier and heavier and it’s going to be harder and harder to write something.

So let’s do a list: What am I doing?

• Knitting and knitting math for myself

1. Knitting a 4 sweater/1 hat Winter collection to release in late October/early November!! More information on that soon.
2. Knitting math for LaMorna – that sweater is turning out to be really quite difficult to grade. Lots math for set up rows and such! I really just need to sit in a quiet room with no distractions until I finish it.
3. Randomly, this awesome sweater took up residence in my brain and wouldn’t let go until I worked it all out. Karen is knitting that up for me. I really like this test knitter stuff. Karen’s AWESOME – catching math mistakes, knitting this thing up super fast. I could get used to this.

• Editing a collection for Amy Herzog, Kirstin Kapur, and Elinor Brown. You really want to look out for this one. Lovely, lovely pieces.

• Planning a wedding. Love my Young Man. Love that we’re spending the rest of our lives together. Really, really overwhelmed by planning. Kinda want to elope to Mexico. Or crawl under my bed and hide. Check out my awesome mood board though.  Once I get the venue nailed down, this wedding is going to look amazing.

• Reading a lot. Luckily between audiobooks and the Kindle, knitting and reading go really well together.

1. Tore through The Magicians and The Magician King on audiobook. Dude, they were soooooooo good. You really need to read them. I couldn’t put them down. Lev Grossman needs to hurry up and write more books, because I’m already jonesing for another fix.
2. Also read Rachel‘s A Life in Stitches. Beautiful. Lovely. Amazing. Buy it. Really.
3. Read Anya’s Ghost by Vera Brosgol. That was awesome. Vera’s art kicks so much ass.
4. Just started reading The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet. So many people recommended this book, I couldn’t not read it. It was a little weird reading about a breach birth on the subway, but so far it’s really good.
5. Can’t wait for The Night Circus to come out. It looks so amazing.
6. Do you have any suggestions for me? I can’t seem to buy books fast enough lately.

And speaking of awesome, here’s some things I think are awesome going on in the crafting community:

Larissa Brown is doing a Kickstarter project for her new books! You should totally check it out. It’s a set of 4 e-books based on seasons and color. Larissa has a great design sense and the colorstories she’s chosen are gorgeous. Her Pinterest boards are very inspiring. I’m really excited for her and really hope she gets all the funds she needs to start the project!

My friend, Brett, who I worked with when I worked at Vogue Knitting, just released her book! It’s Sewing in a Straight Line, all about all the awesome things you can make with basic sewing skills. Straight lines! So easy! And she’s doing a bunch of giveaways to go along with the release, the biggest of which is a Singer Perfect Finish Combo – a sewing machine and serger set! Go check out the book, enter her contests and let her know I sent you!

Not crafting related, but I’m a little obsessed with Keiko Lynn’s style blog lately. My hair’s not quite long enough for those milkmaid braids yet (I tried so hard this morning), but I really want them. I have a big, bumpy updo today, but it’s just not as fun without the adora-braids. I did buy that lipstick though. I wear a bright lipstick everyday now, and liquid eyeliner is my next experiment. I don’t think I have a steady enough hand for it, but I’m going to try!!

On one hand I *know* I’m good at what I do. I *know *what I’m doing is perfectly reasonable, perfectly within my wheelhouse.  I *know* that is is what I want to be doing. I love this knitting thing. I love doing handknits. I love tech editing and helping other designers make the best patterns they can. I love the feeling of discovery when designing a new piece and the feeling of accomplishment when I’ve completed a piece.

But right now? Consumed with fear. Gnawing place in my belly saying, “You suck at this. Why even try? Just quit now while you’re ahead.” Having mini breakdowns  from sheer terror of the amount of work I have to do and the amount of time I’ve set myself to do it. If I could just calm down and get to work, I know I could finish in a reasonable amount of time… But that’s the hard part, right?

Do you get this? Do you feel this way with your projects, with your work, with your life? What do you do to fix it? How do you change the feeling of “I’m not good enough” to “I’m freaking awesome”? I’m drowning here a little bit.

Here’s a little peek at what I’m working on for the next couple months. I’m still missing yarn for one piece, but these are the main big pieces. Some cables, some lace, some colorwork, and some pleats. Many things to keep my hands and mind busy. I love new projects.

1. Blue Sky Alpaca Alpaca Silk

2. Knit Picks Alpaca Cloud

3. Lorna’s Laces Shepherd Sport

4. Madelinetosh Tosh Merino Light

And now for some random thoughts…

1. The drawing for Olga’s patterns has closed and the winners notified. Jennifer won the Issey Scarf and Meg won the Sakasama Jacket. Congratulations to our winners and thanks to everyone who entered.

2. I bought an exercise ball to use as my desk chair at work. I need to work on my posture. And my weight. I’ve gained 20 pounds since starting to work in an office. Now, granted, I was underweight so part of that was needed, but this last 10 pounds has really made me not like my body anymore. I’ve been going to yoga and I bought an Xbox Kinect so I could play Dance Central. (Super fun! You guys should come over and play.) So I’m exercising more, but just not regularly enough. I need something to make me remember to sit up straight, rather than slump over in my chair. If this ball works out, I’ll buy one for my home office too. If I end up falling off it and landing on my head, I’ll let you know.

3. Are you on Google +? I have a page there specifically for nipperknits. Go add me to your circles for updates and random thoughts. Speaking of, I’ve been thinking about doing a newsletter of sorts for nipperknits updates. This wouldn’t spam you everytime I updated, just every couple months or so when I posted a new pattern or something new and awesome came out. Would anyone be interested in joining such a thing? Should I look into it?